Why I’m drinking wine
Ok, I get that New Bf isn’t the easiest or the most outgoing or fun person. Actually, he’s sometimes totally the opposite of Randy. Of course, it’s easy to love Randy. He was fun and always so easygoing, he was the heart and soul of a group. That way we were a perfect couple, always laughing and joking and partying.
Nowadays I go everywhere alone just because it’s easier than to deal with New Bf being all judgmental and mad at people who like to party or sometimes make stupid things just for the laughs of it.
Like I do. Man, how I LOVE doing stupid things. Sometimes I think I’m so grateful that I’m me just because when I’m old and think back at my life I feel never bored. Yes, ashamed maybe sometimes, but bored - never! Stupid things are fun!
But yeah. I’m tired my sister is always taking up the Randy subject and that she reminds me what I let go. I think that maybe I wouldn’t miss Randy at all if there wasn’t her constantly reminding the good times.
And that’s just it. She saw the good times. When we had bad times she had bad times with her husband and I never told her. Maybe if I would’ve she would understand better.
But still. If I could forgive her husband for treating her like shit, if I gave HIM another chance why can’t she do the same?
I hate that lately this relationship is all about battle. Battling with my friends, battling with my acquaintances, battling with my family. And sometimes, yes, battling with myself because it’s so damned hard. I read all this stuff about how boyfriends are supposed to be all adoring and loving and mine is always trying to change me or discipline me. I know he doesn’t do it because he’s mean or anything. It’s just how he is. Trying to make world more of the place he would like it to be (and totally ignoring that everyone has their own view and their own world - different, not yet wrong per se).
And then I remember that Randy being all cute and adoring and sweet - I hated that too. Sometimes all you need is someone with a little backbone not roses or chocolate.
So here I am. From one end to the other. Yet all I need is a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I don’t want to live without adoring or roses and chocolates. I also don’t want to live without smart discussions about politics or whatever. I need both. I need someone who is at the same level with me.
And by that I mean someone who is also ready to paint the love he or she is feeling on walls or write poems about it or…
Whatever.
I guess it’s not possible to have everything. If you want a romantic be prepared of him not having a sensible bone in his body. Be prepared that you have to do everything for him. And if you want someone sensible be prepared to buy your own flowers and write your own poems.
Bleh.
At least one thing is for sure. Wine. Wine never fails.
