you are devil’s foreplay

I’ve come to realize that weddings are for GUESTS not for me or BF. I’d say that last weeks have been truly amazing, showing that grownup people can act like children in kindergarten. This is, of course, annoying as hell. Examples.

Text from brother-in-law’s sister, let’s call her Janine.

“Hi, is this invite meant only for me or can I bring my boyfriend also?” (Note: her boyfriend is really, really bitchy, he has seen me only few times and every time he has managed to cause trouble.)

“No, dear,” I reply. “This invite says it’s only for you. I’m very sorry, but we try to keep guest list as short as possible, we only invited family and very close friends. I hope you understand. Once you get married yourself you’ll see how hard it is to manage guest list.” I tried to be very polite and politically correct.

Answer: silence.

Few hours later my sister calls. “Hi, I wanted to tell you that Janine is now re-considering coming to your wedding, if she can’t take her boyfriend with her. So I suggest you to call her and tell her that she can bring him with.”

Enter madness.

That truly pissed me off. What is this? My wedding or some dramafest? If I don’t want to see him in my wedding – because I really don’t care about him and I don’t want to see, that 1am he is whining to Janine that he wants to go home – why should I ask him?

But, you see, this is delicate business. And since I want to see Janine in my wedding, I swallowed the pill and told her to take him with her IF THAT COULDN’T BE AVOIDED.

On other notes: I finally got myself a dress, two weeks prior to The Big Day. Yes, I know. But I even wasn’t very anxious about it. All this wedding business has been really chill, really. I have no idea, why have I not yet turned into Bridezilla, but I haven’t. Which is weird. A bit. Not much. But a bit.

And the dress cost 40 bucks. HELL YEAH. Even the rings cost 10 times more. That’s what I call A DISCOUNTER WEDDING. But since I already had the big white dress party, I reckon it’s okay. I don’t have to be all fluffy and white, I can as well be beige and un-fluffy (the dress is short). The love, my dears, the love is what matters. And the love rocks.

So, yeah. We did it. We’re finally OFFICIALLY engaged. Of course, we’ve talked about getting married for a while now (we have been together more than two years and that’s A LOT) but on Monday we actually went and filed the papers.

Of course, my mom was in shock. Of course, my sister was as happy as one person can be. Of course, K. squeaked and wrote down the date. Of course, V. just said “mhmhmmm” and sounded happy. Of course, my aunt and her wife were calm and happy (they actually thought that I was pregnant). Of course, my sister-in-law sent me an celebratory email and congratulated us. My mother-in-law and my father-in-law, my dad and my grandma doesn’t know yet. Celebratory phonecalls and emails are about to follow.

Thanks to my freaking past I’m really, really sensitive about people’s reactions and I don’t actually want to say anything to anyone, I’m just hoping people will notice my ring. But on the other hand I want to SCREAM IT TO THE WORLD, ’cause, you know, I’M FREAKING MARRYING A GUY I LOVE MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. (And who is fucking exceptional in bed.) (And to whom I am exceptional in bed.)

So, I chose the way of blogging about it in the secret, in the blog which is known to about… five people? So, here ya go. I’m getting married. AGAIN. Ha.

What makes it so different comparing to the last time is THE FEELING. You have no idea how chillaxed I am. Party? Hmm, we’ll see. Dress? Nothing fancy, maybe a skirt? Rings? Well, I guess we need some… We’ll see. A band? Are you kidding me? Do you know I’m a DJ now? So what’s the trouble? I’ll play music myself!

And so on and forth.

The weird part is, no one I’ve told about it hasn’t asked me about the name. Which name I’ll choose. Only my sister knows. It’s particularly weird – actually, all of this situation is particularly weird. I can’t write about it in my blog, because there are hundreds of people that have already seen me getting married and THEY ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. (Actually, maybe this secret-blogging-thingy isn’t so good idea after all, since I’ve forgotten to whom I’ve told about this blog…)

But in my mind getting married to My Human is just an extension of our relationship. Nothing will change (except for the name… maybe;) – we will still have sex like rabbits, we still will argue about phone chargers and potatoes, we will still talk dirty to each other and engage in weird fantasy games, we will still make each other coffee in the mornings, hold each other at nights, call each other when we see exceptional boobs and love each other, more and more every day. This doesn’t sound much, but in fact it means EVERYTHING. I’ve just been so freaking happy for years now and I still can’t believe that there is a person out there who can be so fitting, like a custom made suit. (In this metaphor, I guess, I should be the suit… I guess…) We have our ups and downs, surely, but with all that we’ve been trough it’s like baby pee: annoying, but harmless.

Wedding will be small and private… Maybe a sauna, maybe some swimming in a beautiful lake in the woods, maybe some old granary will be the place for our party… Nothing fancy, but hopefully sweet and, you know, cute.

We’ll see.

I got new glasses today and now I’m trying to get used to them. I’ve already forgotten about them twice and I think it’ll get some time to get used to. If I have them on, I can’t stop looking at the frames and feeling weird. I think that having glasses is much like having a tongue stud, nipple piercing or like being pregnant – if it first happens to you, you can’t stop thinking about it and noticing it. But in a while you’ll get used to it and you forget about the stud in your tongue or glasses you have on.

Okay, I suppose you don’t forget about being pregnant, it’s kind of tricky.

But it works with piercings, thongs and glasses.

I’ve had glasses actually all my life but since my one eye is almost blind and other is almost fine I haven’t really felt the need to wear glasses. Since there is no lens that can make my right eye seem okay, I have never experience this “ohmygod, I can SEE” thing while putting glasses on. But now I thought I should help my almost-fine-eye and start wearing glasses again.

Plus, they look sexy.

Like always,

no one cares.